god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
