What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
