she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
