I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize