I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
