i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
