he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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