Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
