1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
