4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
