Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This is my gift to your gina
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
