Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
