I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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