8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
