I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
