? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
