My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
