I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
God I need to hump something, right now.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
