You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She told me I should be a condom model.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
