you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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