i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
