God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
