found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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