I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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