I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
