did you get engaged???
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
