I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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