i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
