the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
