Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
