Pappa wants mamma naked
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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