Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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