Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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