I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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