You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
we're so committed to being not committed
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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