Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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