just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
