Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
