I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
