Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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