Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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