my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
