Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
