Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
