All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
