ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
