I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
