Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
