I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
