Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
