he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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