Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
