I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
