I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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