Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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