I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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