I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Shame - the story of my life.
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