Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
