I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
