I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
