thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
