I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
