I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
