she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize