that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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